Grading papers

I think all of my Facebook friends are going to unfriend me if I don't stop posting status updates with quotes from students. So I'm going to start putting them here.

Here's one to get us started- synonyms for everlasting: "never ending, forever." Antonyms for everlasting: "neverlasting, fornever."

Sophia: (Under her breath) I wish the dead kissed ...

Sophia: (Under her breath) I wish the dead kissed me...

Nathan: "You belong in the evil kingdom, you hag!"...

Nathan: "You belong in the evil kingdom, you hag!"
Me: "o:"

PART 2 Brittany: It looked like I laid out every d...

PART 2
Brittany: It looked like I laid out every day.
Brent: So you were basically black?
Brittany: Yeah.

Brittany: I want it to be cold and rainy. Brent: Y...

Brittany: I want it to be cold and rainy. Brent: You don't want a tan? Brittany: I got one last year.

Matt: I didn't know there was a SuperJolynn. Jolyn...

Matt: I didn't know there was a SuperJolynn.
Jolynn: Yeah, it's just like me, only super.

From Reece, raisiong his hand Raise your hand if y...

From Reece, raisiong his hand
Raise your hand if you tooted.

from Brent This dust smells like dust.

from Brent
This dust smells like dust.

Jaden: Can we have a hint? Evan: Ok. Bananas are g...

Jaden: Can we have a hint?
Evan: Ok. Bananas are green... until they're not.
Logan: OH! In a bush!

From Matt

You should not be dancing with the trash can, you should only be touching it.

From Cohen

I like to read "speed limit" because my dad doesn't always look at them.

From Hali

Being a hater is one of my many socks.

From Lisa

It would be sad if young love was killed off by anaphylactic shock.

From Lisa

Nobody speak to Evan!

From a pastor

A love child has many names

From Rachel

Rachel: Did you see the halftime show of the Super Bowl?
Mr. Chandler: Yes... I heard that somebody flipped off the camera.
Rachel: My dad said he read about someone laying the goose.
Mr. Chandler: Do you mean flip the bird?
Rachel: Yeah, that's it!

From a 6th grader

Without evil, Superman would just be a man in tights.

Christmas salt and pepper shakers. Let me know when you get it.

From Rachel

I like big, masculine dogs.

From Lisa

You ate canned food?! That's for the poor people!

From a 6th grade boy

Why do they always have to suck face?

From Lisa

I like it when my coughs are chunky.

From Maddy

I didn't have dinner last night. We had Chinese food.

From an advanced 8th grader

They do have mountains in California, they're just not year-round.

From this morning before school

Yelled by a 7th grade boy
I have soft hands!

From a staff person, talking to an 8th grade boy
You need to wear clothes!

Pictures of My Classroom

This a picture of the mess that I left sitting for an entire weekend.  YIKES!!!

A four foot corn snake crawling across my table?!?! 

From another 6th grader

Can you tell that my armpits are sweaty right now?

From a 6th grader

Where's the Demonican Republic?

I plead the 5th on this one

From Kalyn

I heard pregnant ladies eat butterflies.

From Dennis

What's a "jazzy bagel"?

From Caden

The baddest thing ever is old people dancing.

From Micah

I love water up my nose cause it goes into my mouth.

From Evie

I wish I had bean on my face.

From Eli, Brianna's "friend"

I'm crushing everything today. Your heart, your dreams, your arm, your foot.

From Michaela

Yesterday my talk teacher came over cause I have real problems in my life.

From Ethan

Who wants to touch a man's underwear?

From Hali

Do you think hobos can get cable?

A Glossary of Matt-isms

Places that Matt stops on the way to work:

Checkered closet: Plaid Pantry
Safety: Safeway
Underground railroad: Subway
Scottish farm: McDonald's
William Wallace's neighbor: McDonald

From Evan, in the style of Matt
Wormy byproduct: Silk

Catching Up

I have a bunch of quotes that need to be added, but I'm going to add them all together instead of giving each one its own post.

From Connie
Your butt is not a stop sign.

From TayTay
I pimped my name.

From Mindy, Brianna and Evan
Mindy: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Brianna: A baby.  Or I want to work with crazy people or people with mental illness.
Evan: So you want to be a teacher?

From Audrey
Me and my Filipino friend went...
(5 minutes later) Me and my jalapeno friend...

From Jakob
Watch out, I'm levitating!

From Nick
Puke can be blue.

From Kayden, about Mountain Dew
That stuff tastes like floor wax.

From Connie
That was so not frozing!

From Matt
I'm really working on not being judgmental, but some people make it really difficult.

From Lindsay, to the zebra
Hi, you cutie pie!

From Schumann, singing
I touched a bird and I like it.

From Jaden and Schumann
Jaden: Where did you just take that?
Schumann: I took that to the next level.

From Jaden
The dinosaur just mooned us!

From Nick
I don't want to eat sugar-covered poo.

From Mrs. Bleth
Don't pull on each others' lips.

From Lola, my in-laws' GPS
In .1 miles, continue straight.

From the guy in the booth behind us at breakfast
A guy should have some proper swim shorts.

From Michaela
You know what really bothers me? That we have to walk everywhere. Why don't we all have jet packs!

From Jada
My mom is 60, and she's still alive!

From Jaden
I went to the Arctic with my grandma and it's freezing cold.

From Nathan, about the T. Rex
I finally get to see Mr. Grumpy Pants!

From Caroleana
I would not go on TV for that; I would humilify myself.

From Hillary, kicking her foot to the side and shaking her head
This is supposed to help get water out of your ear.

From Jakob
You should have seen how much water just came out of my pants!

From Tarren
My leg popped the wrong way and that saved my life.

From Michaela
I only have three powers: how to make friends, how to make people make friends, and how to make candy.

From Evan
When is the last time your mom said, "Honey, could you go out and warm up the unicorn for me"?

From Cole and Isaac
Cole: My butt has powers.
Isaac: My butt is stronger.
Cole and Isaac: Whooooooooo!

From Langston
I want to find the beaver and give it a dollar fifty.  Maybe it'll give me a stuffed beaver from the beaver vending machine.

From Sierra
I don't like her! I will kick her in the butt and give her a wedgie.

From Braeden, about the ends of his gimp
Wow, these things want to murder me.

From Mike
I wish my dad cared.  My dad is the laziest lazy person in the world.  He is always late.

From TayTay, singing
Do you ever feel
Like a piece of pie
Getting eaten by
A really random guy

From Anya
If this were really Happy Valley, you would think that they would make the park and especially the bathrooms happier.

From Schumann
Connie, I need a spanking.

From Hailee
I need root beer or else I'll die because of baldness.

Quotes from History

These are quotes from the summer of 2010 and the past school year.

From Evan
Everyone needs a little ghetto in their life.

From Matt and Meliah
Matt: My family is distantly related to Abraham Lincoln.
Meliah: But you never actually met him though, right?

From Ava
Hi bear, you're the peanut to my butter

From the the TV show Lark Rise to Candleford
My dear lady, we are all at the mercy of our undergarments.

From Lisa and Evan
Lisa: Look at the pretty sunset.
Evan: If Eric was here and he had a girlfriend, he would talk about his feelings and stuff.

From Lisa
I'd marry cheese if I wasn't already so in love with the new common core curriculum standards.

From Hali

I'm sorry I don't have perfect ankles.

From Connie

Ben, you have underwear, right?

From Jadyn

I won myself at chest.

From Tasha

Indians don't need sunscreen. We're born in the sun.

From Langston

The sand isn't dangerous unless you eat it.

From Langston

You can't say no to the library, they're rich... They're rich in knowledge.

From Evan

I'm not tickling you, I'm telling jokes with my fingers.

From Lisa

There is no hugging the hobos.

From Evan and Phillip

Evan: Why don't you share?
Phillip: I kind of like don't want to.

From Matt and Sophia

Matt: What happens when you get upset?
Sophia: You put on a hair net and rubber gloves.

From Sophia and Matt

Sophia: I want to have a bad attitude.
Matt: Well you're good at it, really good at it.

From girl showing up for dance class, pointing at Evan

I think that's our dad!

From Brianna

I promise never to confuse sparkles and rainbows with friendship again.

From Connie

Words are good, especially in the dark.

From Sophia

I'm in big trouble now. My mom is going to bite me. How can I pay for these bubbles?

From Kole

You have to buy a dinosaur, and then, in the next level, you get a star! But don't use the star, it's important!

From Wiley

My dad doesn't learn anything because he already knows how to count to 10 in Spanish!

From Matt

You are all going to be late you late monkeys!

Seen in the Park in 2011